The Holy Family and Parental Authority
Originally posted on Substack
Jesus Christ, the God-Man, was not born primarily into a village or a community. Although, yes, the ultimate purpose of the Incarnation had worldwide effects in the salvation of souls, He first chose to be born to a humble couple, the Blessed Virgin Mary and the good Saint Joseph.
This was not an accident nor a coincidence. This was God’s way of elevating and sanctifying family life, and through this, it becomes possible to understand some elements of parental authority.
Joseph and Mary’s prayerful discernment of—and obedience to—God’s will, their bond with each other, Jesus’ obedience to His earthly parents (Luke 2:51): all of these things were made possible because Love gives us an ability to care for each person as an individual.
Our western culture attempts, at virtually every turn, to appropriate the roles of parents. Ostensibly, the state makes these policy decisions of faith, education, health, morality, etc. based on what legislators perceive to be the good of the whole society. Never mind the fact that what ‘they” prioritize is often not what God would have us prioritize, there is also the critical truth that God has created each person as a unique creation.
The principle of subsidiarity declares that decisions should be made and functions should be completed at the lowest possible level. So for example, the federal government should not interfere with that which can be done at the state level, nor the state with that which can be done at the local level, nor the local level what can be done in church communities or families.
Excessive intervention by the state can threaten personal freedom and initiative.The teaching of the Church has elaborated the principle of subsidiarity, according to which “a community of a higher order should not interfere in the internal life of a community of a lower order, depriving the latter of its functions, but rather should support it in case of need and help to coordinate its activity with the activities of the rest of society, always with a view to the common good.” (CCC 1883)
A family that includes strong parents and thriving children, is, in fact, critical to the common good. A body whose cells are unhealthy is one in which disease thrives.
The family is the original cell of social life. (CCC 2207)
Parents have both the honored privilege and tremendous responsibility of choosing the education for their children, of making their medical decisions, and of raising them in the faith. The constant harping of the expert class (do this, don’t do that) undermines many parents and weakens family life as a whole. In a rightly-ordered society, the role of doctors, educators, and public health officials, etc is to advise and support families (not seek to supplant them) so that parents may complete their God-given duties.
Most people will not argue with this statement: a good family is the safest and best place for a child to grow. However, many people, even people of faith, often balk when you tell them this: parents inherently know much of what they need to know to do a good job raising their own children. (Have you searched for parenting books on Amazon? The list is endless.) Even Christians have become suffused with the belief that secular expertise is required. Might I suggest that rather than expertise, we should generally be seeking wisdom, especially from the Holy Spirit, as well as parents whose children you admire.
God, Who is all-wise, chose the method of the Incarnation (Jesus, born as a helpless baby into a family) as the means by which the world would be saved, and God, Who is all-loving continues to bestow supernatural grace upon us, as well as place faithful mentors in our lives. We can trust that He will give parents the wisdom and fortitude to carry out His will within our families, because, well… because He is trustworthy.
Rest assured, parents. Your role is vital. In a normal* family life, the right to make important decisions is yours and yours alone. This is a God-given duty and gift. These rights cannot justly be taken away because these rights and responsibilities come from God. I truly believe that the more parents begin to have confidence and trust that their role is God-given, the more families will flourish. (Everyone wants to be a hero, right? Who better to be a hero for than your own family?)
But truly, to reject the “it takes a village” mentality is a battle. The inexhaustible cadre of experts are eagerly lined up at your door to tell you what you lack, what they have to offer, and how your life will be easier if you simply outsource all decision-making. Our natural inclination towards insecurity can lead us to question whether we really are capable.
How about we fight off the attacks on the family by taking some countermeasures?
Ask the Lord daily to help you to grow in wisdom and confidence in all your parenting decisions. (Why is it so easy to forget this critical step?)
The Holy Family has been the model for many holy families. Look to them for wisdom and knowledge and intercession. Fathers, get to know Saint Joseph, and model your life after him. Mothers, get to know the Blessed Mother, and model your life after her. Parents, get to know the child Jesus, the better to love your own children!
Choose wise mentors who make measured decisions. Don’t simply choose peers in the same parenting stage as you are, but find good, solid families with children a few (or many) years ahead of yours.
Read good books on controversial topics such as education and vaccines, not so much to outsource your decisions, but to be aware of the variety of opinions and options out there for you.
Finally, when you do seek expertise from a professional, take time to think over your choices and make the decisions yourself! There is rarely a rush, and we need to leave room for the Holy Spirit to give His perfect counsel.
Let me leave you with this: it is distinctly anti-family (therefore, also anti-Christian) to usurp the roles of parents. It’s important to see this as the battle that it is, and to respond accordingly, with prayer and wisdom.
*A normal family life is a family lacking abuse and neglect, which includes the vast majority of families, in spite of what the no-contact movement would have you believe.
