Windows and Mirrors

In my bedroom, there are 2 windows. The rest of my house is fairly dark, but my bedroom, my very favorite room in this house, has gorgeous light all day long. In the morning the south window catches the first rays, and in the evening, I can watch the sunset through the west-facing window. My kids often congregate on my bed if I let them, laughing and wrestling and just generally being near me.

Also in my bedroom, however, is a hideous mirror. It’s one of those closet door mirrors that bumps and squeaks when it opens and closes, cracks at the slightest nudge, and just generally annoys me. I’ve been able to make every other bedroom wall pretty, but since we’re renters, I can’t change out these dang mirror doors.

Like many women, I’ve long had a complicated relationship with mirrors. When I look into one, I don’t often see anything I like. My skin is too red from rosacea, my body is too round, my hair too flat. That mirror often just stands there, accusing me of all my flaws, letting me know that yes, I am still flawed and no, I will never change.

Windows and mirrors have come to represent something more to me lately. In analyzing why some Instagram posts / comments move me and why some send me over the edge of despair, I’ve realized that they are either windows, or they are mirrors.

Sometimes, a post will say something like, “Here is this hard thing I am struggling with. And here is Christ’s light shining on that hard thing, making me better. Perhaps you would like that light in your life as well?” That metaphorical light shining on that issue, it draws me in. It begs me to look closer to see how *I* might be blocking Christ’s light from an area of my life, and it invites me to throw open the shades and wash the windows, to let Christ sink deep down into my soul.

And then there are the posts and comments that, frankly, sound a lot like those mirrors do. They say, “Look how ugly this part of you is. And that part. Ugh. You disgust me and you’ve disappointed me again.” Whether or not the original post had value to it, my near universal response to this type of post is to shut down in shame and despair.

Did you know that Satan’s name means “the accuser?” His is the language of failure. His is the voice that says you won’t be good enough or smart enough, so why bother?

But Christ, no matter how far we’ve fallen, uses the language of mercy, and of conversion. He knows that, through His grace, you will be able to overcome your struggles with sin and come ever closer to Him and to His people.

It took me nearly 6 months of therapy with a registered dietitian to look in the mirror and objectively say what I saw without accusing myself. Strong arms, a smiling face, a body that has given birth many times. 6 months to undo all the terrible things I used to accuse myself of. Do we need to do that with Instagram too?

We were not made to sit through accusations. We were made to live lives illuminated by the light of Christ. We were made for daily conversion and yes, regular reminders that we are sinners in need of mercy. But if there is a voice, in your head or out, that is telling you that you’re not good enough... I don’t know how to say it other than it is not from God.

Let us be the windows, and not the mirrors. Let us look for windows, and ignore the accusations of the mirrors. Let us see ourselves as Christ sees us, no more, and certainly no less. ♥️

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